Typing “Amen” Changed My Life
Who knew simply typing “Amen” could transform a jobless, hateful pile of filth into a true beacon of success? I sure didn’t, but I’m living proof of the miracle within an “Amen Facebook post.”
What was I doing before sharing photos and typing “Amen?” Not much of anything, really. Primarily snorting heroin and eating doritos. I had no job. No zest for life. No money, as it was all going to 7 Eleven and my dealer Ricardo. On top of all that I was a damn racist!!
Most of my days were spent in my parents’ garage, perusing Facebook on my uncle’s old laptop which was ridden with child porn and torrents of Lord of the Rings films. The dang thing was slower than a three-legged dog, but at least I could scroll through Facebook. Without that access I would still be sleeping on the garage futon huffing paint. I would still be broke. I would definitely still be watching episodes of “The Proud Family” on YouTube, angrily shouting the N word at characters.
My life did a full 180 when I stumbled across the first Facebook post that asked me to type “Amen.” It was a photo of a dream catcher with the caption, “All your wildest dreams will come true if you type ‘Amen’ and share.” I laughed to myself and remarked, “Yeah right.” However, I was just hopeless enough to try it.
The following morning I woke up to a phone call. Nobody calls me in the morning. I figured it was Ricardo threatening my life, considering I had never paid him for the brick he fronted me. I answered with frightened hesitation. Much to my surprise it was NASA, the space program. They wanted to hire me as an aeronautical engineer! Wow! Just a day prior I was at rock bottom, covered in Dorito dust in my parents’ garage. Suddenly I was working for NASA.
The more I typed “Amen” the more miracles occurred. One day I saw a photo of money captioned with, “Share and type ‘Amen’ and you will get a lot of money soon.” Guess who has millions of dollars now? Another post contained a photo of an extremely dark black woman, and it promised to free me of all my bigoted, racist thoughts. Well, I’m a regular man of the people now. I love everyone, especially people of color.
Currently I’m living in a multimillion dollar condo with a beautiful, ebony wife and a high-paying engineering job. I haven’t done drugs in months. My uncle’s out of prison, living with me, and running his own daycare. Dreams not only came true for me, but for my family as well. We owe it all to typing “Amen.” You can laugh at the deluded silliness of those who share such posts, but you won’t be laughing when they’re living happily with millions, void of even the slightest racist notion. We would all be perfect people in an ideal world if we merely shared and typed “Amen.”
