It Really Does Come Down to Mindset

How does a man go from a miserable dick with a nightmarish job he hates, and his best years behind him to a fairly happy-go-lucky guy with a steady job he’s grateful for, and a life of opportunity laying ahead? Simply by changing his mindset. And how does a person completely shift their mindset? Through daily, vigilant monitoring of their inner conversation over time. I know it’s growing hackneyed to talk about the importance of mindset, but we’re hearing and reading constant advice regarding our thinking for good reason — a positive outlook differentiates hopelessness from a hopeful world of possibility, regardless of circumstance.

I was a victim of my own negative thinking for, roughly, my entire life, particularly the last several years. A year ago I was hardly making rent in a house of 7 roommates; working part-time and making barely enough to survive at a low-level job that stressed me to the point of physical illness weekly, and I was a complete recluse, sitting in a dimly lit bedroom alone when I wasn’t at work strongly considering verbally going off and walking out every single day. Today I’m in a decent apartment with my girlfriend, saving money, and working a far from ideal job that I manage to show up to daily and remain happy to have. I may not be living out dreams, although my dreams seem attainable and I’m excited about the journey. A year ago everything I truly wanted seemed so distant and not worth working for. Plainly stated, I view work, my goals, and life a whole lot differently.

This transition in how I view myself and life didn’t unravel overnight, nor did it take place over a week. I couldn’t have gone from seeing myself as a skinny, stuck-in-his glory days loser to genuinely loving who I am and knowing I’m capable of achieving all I’ve ever wanted over the course of a few days. This drastic change in mindset has required healthy routine, lifestyle changes, and constant monitoring of the conversation that’s going on within my head. I can’t make you frame yourself in a lovely light, and I certainly can’t directly transmit you hope. I can, however, share with you the daily practices that have saved my life and stopped self-victimization in its pathetic tracks.

I journal daily. Whether I’m having the most eventful day imaginable, or relaxing on a day off from work, I simply need to release what’s going on in my head. Some days it’s a classic daily journal about how the day has unfolded, other days it’s a free-form list of what the hell I need to be doing to improve and make life a little easier. As a writer by nature, I’m tortured by the onslaught of thoughts running rampant in my mind by the second. I can’t allow all these thoughts to fester or cycle. At times, we just need to get our thoughts out. Ideas, resentments, needs, self-reflections, and any other part of of inner conversation needs to reach paper for us to be free to do anything about them.

I say a gratitude prayer every morning. I don’t mean to frighten you with the term “prayer.” You don’t have to pray the rosary, get on your knees, or speak directly to God. You simply need to express gratitude, whether verbally or in writing, for the basic needs met in life in order to accept any of the ideal. Each morning, immediately upon waking up, I keep my eyes closed and mumble and lengthy list of the things and people I’m grateful for. Sobriety, friends, family, a roof over my head, a cozy bed, life experiences both miserable and otherwise. Whatever it is I’m happy for, I rattle it off like some kind of lazy monk. This practice has made me a lot more content with what is. It’s also made me a lot happier upon receiving the greater gifts.

I meditate, at least once a day. I firmly believe I would still be a mess of a person if I didn’t make a conscious effort to meditate everyday. Some days I do a guided body scan. Others I work on breathing exercises. On occasional evenings I work in a visualization, or create a nice little story about where I’d like to be. No matter what kind of meditation you’re doing, it’s essential to soothing the mind and clearing up space within. I know very few other means of obtaining serenity outside of quieting the mind, and with the help of daily meditation you can calm the mind amidst any situation.

I recite positive affirmations. I’m aware it sounds corny. Trust me, nothing feels tackier than assuring yourself you’re happy, healthy, and beautiful, but through repetition you begin sincerely believing these affirmations. Truthfully, I don’t even listen to music on my walks to and from work anymore. I spend my stride internally inciting a pre-written list of affirmations, much like a psycho would. It’s bizarre if you’re prone to the negative and loving distraction, but the more you incorporate it the more natural it feels. And trust me, I’m happy, healthy, grateful, beautiful, and at peace (not to mention a brilliant writer who reaches millions.)

I monitor my inner conversation. I was once a guy who thought everything sucked, and any effort I made was useless. Today, I think merely a lot of stuff sucks, and I do genuinely feel most of what I do has its purpose. I believe I’m always working towards an ultimate goal. I tend to trust people, and the process of life. It’s bizarre sharing this, considering I really was the most cynical piece of shit on the planet. We need to watch what we’re telling ourselves, as it eventually does manifest. When I told myself I wasn’t reaching anybody through writing, I didn’t. When I felt I couldn’t make enough money to survive, I wasn’t. Our minds are so very powerful, and what we think becomes true.

I consume beneficial content. I still love a violent 70s zombie flick from time to time; I remain a hood rap fan, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t somewhat regularly listen to the podcast “Cum Town.” For the most part, though, I listen to thinkers I admire, and read writers who I can learn from. As you work on everything I’ve listed here, your mind doesn’t fight for as much escape. You don’t require nearly as much dumb distraction. A speech from Alan Watts, a talk from Eckhartt Tolle, or a meditation from Louise Hay grow to be more appealing than the recent bullshit originals Netflix has churned out.

We could throw daily physical activity in here, but that goes without saying. Obviously you need some movement, even if it’s only as much exertion as a walk. What I’ve listed here has become integral to my life. These practices have saved me from myself, a guy who inherently wants to destroy himself. Self-harm, unfortunately, is the easier route. Sitting around overthinking and watching stupid shows is pleasurable and what we tend towards, but it’s not the behavior that helps us grow. As I type I’m beginning to realize I sound a tad condescending, but I’m trying to make clear that I’m, at my core, a decent guy but a lazy, negative, person. I have to put forth a battle everyday not to be that guy. Through months of journaling, meditating, expressing gratitude, and watching how I think, it’s getting to be easier not to be that person. I can only hope you want that for yourself. The harder way is a hell of a lot more gratifying.