How To Be Unhappy And Unsuccessful

There’s a plethora of roundabout how-tos out there for being successful, growing, and being more productive. I, living far beneath my means, am in no position to present one of those. In fact, I’m more on the opposite side of the spectrum in terms of success, and that’s due to a lot of the wrong decisions. I’ve grown greatly through making incorrect moves and being engaged in unhealthy behaviors, and am therefore far more fit to write on what people should not be doing in order to grow.

If you want to remain stagnant, or worse, follow this guide. If you want to be a highly capable person who’s living far behind your potential, do just as I’ve done. If you want to excel in life and live happily and successfully (whatever that may mean to you,) do the opposite of what I’m instructing. Here’s my foolproof guide on being unsuccessful.

Surround yourself with people who aren’t growing

From 17 to 22 I spent the majority of my time around guys who were doing very little to improve themselves. As an already in the throws alcoholic and pothead, I tended to gravitate towards guys who also wanted to booze and rip bongs above all else. This did more than enable my negative desires turned needs. I was a lad who once saw a lot for himself, and was working towards what I ultimately wanted. Being around guys who wanted nothing greater for themselves very gradually limited my own belief in what was possible for me. At least I learned how to construct a pipe out of tinfoil.

Stray from who you believe yourself to be and what you enjoy doing

Let’s not beat around the romanticizing bush: I had everything going for me as a young man. I was an excellent student, a great writer, and a soccer star. By 15 I found a knack for improv-filming and editing comedy sketches I would then post to YouTube (back when that was a niche site and interest,) and by 16 I had built up an audience of several thousand who loved my brand of humor. Those who watched me encouraged my comedy, and shared playful predictions as to where they thought I would be if I continued pushing with this hobby. “Can’t wait to see you on television!” People would remark, and I believed they believed in me. Unfortunately, I was getting deep into my teen years and priorities were shifting.

After I discovered I could feel confident with booze in my system; thus making flirting possible, my mindset changed and my areas of interest turned dark. Suddenly I cared very much about what others thought of me. My main goals became being perceived as cool and getting girls, and at the core of that was getting drunk and smoking weed. I found it difficult to be cool when I was still passionate about filming myself and posting comedy videos online, so that love gradually diminished. Soccer was hard to care about when I had drunk weekends to look forward to. Lastly, being a standout student wasn’t as appealing as being a person who people liked. I lost sight of who I was in favor of who I thought people wanted me to be. I was a far worse person for it.

Don’t read or write

From around 6 to 12, reading was my primary means of entertainment. That led to writing, which each and every teacher praised me for. “Michael’s going to be a writer,” instructors shared with my parents in conferences. I had that idea as well, and it was now being enforced by those I learned from and admired.

From 14 to 19 I hardly picked up a book. Subsequently, I stopped writing for the love of it, and solely put a pen to paper for bare minimum class assignments. This not only shrunk my vocabulary, it limited my imagination.

Breaking back into reading for enjoyment is like trying to meditate when you haven’t quieted your mind in decades. Writing for fun after years of not doing so is like trying to pitch a bowling ball. It’s best to be consistent with both reading and writing, which I sadly did not do despite those being my main loves as a young boy.

Make drinking and using substances a priority

This obviously shouldn’t strike anyone as a good idea, although some of us can’t help but begin the chase after our first taste. I’m not here to examine the root cause of my alcoholism, and I don’t believe you have to be a through and through alcoholic or addict in order to indulge too much. Very plainly, drinking destroyed me for quite awhile, and still had its negative effects after the fact.

Worry about what others are thinking

Aside from the booze (and this could be kind of a cause and effect scenario,) nothing stunted my growth quite like being preoccupied with what others thought of me. The constant worry about my self-imposed perceptions in other’s heads steered me from everything I loved and was good at. It caused me to drink. It led me to lose me. Only we can truly know ourselves, and I learned that late. Not too late, but late nonetheless.

Dwell in the past and fear the future

I spent years stuck in what could have been. Whether it was the glory days or the trauma, I dwelled in those previous years; thus had no concept of the present. My two modes of thinking were “Don’t you know who I used to be?” and “Please empathize with the misery I’ve had to face.” Oddly enough, the being mentally trapped in years past got me nowhere positive.

When you’re caught in the past you can’t be in today, and the consequential lack of presence leads to worry about tomorrow. After all, it’s hard to prepare yourself for a better tomorrow when you’re taking no action today. Take it from me — If you worry about ending up homeless long enough, you’ll soon find yourself with no fixed address.

View yourself as a victim

As mentioned, I spent a long while mentally immersed in the chaos I had been through, and I cast myself a victim because of it. I know, today more than ever it seems playing the victim leads to personal gain, but feeling sorry for yourself truly prevents growth. The constant “poor me” gradually converts your inner dialogue to pure negativity, and you’ll eventually start believing nothing good could possibly happen.

I genuinely felt wronged by everyone and everything. In turn, nothing could do me right. This brings me to my final step.

Hold resentments

Nothing made me a more negative person than holding onto the hateful thoughts about those who I felt had done me wrong. I simply couldn’t be happy worrying about when other’s karma was coming. That’s precisely what I did — question why those who were far worse people than me hadn’t gotten their comeuppance. After years of re-feeling those ills, I was incapable of formulating a hopeful thought.

If any of this reads as depressing to you, please know I’ve worked hard on changing all of these behaviors. If you want any bit of happiness, I highly suggest you do as well. I’m by no means a happy-go-lucky successful person, but I have a better shot at joy and success than I ever did, thanks to ridding myself of these tendencies.