“Free Balling Bulge Watchers” — The Strange Side of YouTube
The YouTube algorithm is a sort of magic without rhyme or reason; a mystery I don’t want revealed. I don’t need to know why certain videos are recommended to me. I’m just grateful being forcibly exposed to strange content niches I would not otherwise see nor go searching for.
As I scrolled aimlessly down YouTube’s homepage I was forced to stop, as any straight man or curious pervert would be, when I saw an attractive girl in a mustard turtleneck, staring dazed but intently into the camera, as if to be glaring lustfully into the souls of the viewers. Beneath this baity thumbnail image was the video title “SUPER gorgeous girl LOVES my bulge!”
I clicked, mostly primitively, but also curiously. When you’re immediately posed with so many questions like, “Who and where is this girl?” or “What’s the story behind her loving his bulge?” you can’t avoid clicking the potentially erotic video that may answer them. The video didn’t answer my questions so much as it opened me up to an entire new world of content that has a specific but dedicated audience who follow closely for undefined, mostly horny and egoistic reasons.
Here’s the gist — a man walks around a mall with some kind of hidden camera, unknowingly filming women as they stare at, point to, repeatedly look back at, and lust over what’s presumably his penis. This isn’t filmed haphazardly, one-shot without edits. They’re clips of various women in different parts of the mall, montaged together with some charming weather channel jazz playing throughout. At one point, between shots of women in tantalized awe, the unknown cameraman shifts his camera’s view down to reveal his bulge in a pair of mesh basketball shorts. All judgements of this man’s free-hanging penis aside, it’s pronounced enough to garner looks — enough looks to warrant a whole series of these videos.
The man behind the series goes by “Mr. Freeballin’.” You guessed it, he “free balls.” If you’re not familiar with the term, that’s when a man walks around publicly without underwear, thus letting his balls dangle freely and penis sway unrestricted. Sporting a pair of loose-fitting gym shorts is a strategic choice that allows the genitals even more freedom.
Mr. Freeballin’ has taken free ballin’, used it for his own ego-driven reasons, and turned that into a series titled “Free Balling Bulge Watchers,” where he simply walks around malls and stores and waits for ladies of all ages to have their looks. His camera type and technique is a mystery he won’t disclose, but however MFB does it, he secretly captures a startling amount of women staring longingly at his dangling dong.
So who is this content for? Excellent question. A lot of people, surprisingly. The FBW channel is sitting at just under 20,000 subscribers, and all of the videos have racked up between 10,000 and 1,000,000 views. People are watching. Hell, people are borderline participating.
The comments reveal a great deal about those who religiously consume Free Balling Bulge Watchers. Most notably, a lot of these viewers envy Mr. Freeballin’. He’s a hero to his watchers. MFB has a penis sizable enough to allure, and clearly he gets off on that. His audience does as well. Men fire out comments like “These ladies love it!” “I wish I were you.” “You’re a God!”
There’s a spectrum to enjoying these videos. Some folks just love the fact that women get as turned on by visuals as men do. Guys like a reminder that they too can be a mere piece of meat to a hungry hoard of horned up honies. Watching ladies lick the inside of their mouths, bite their lips, and toy with their hair while staring down a dangling dick is exciting to the male brain. It’s not just fun seeing women turned on — it’s thrilling knowing they can fall prey to their animalistic desires at the sight of a penis imprint.
On the more immersive end of the spectrum, lonely or less-endowed dudes are riling up women vicariously through Mr. Freeballin.’ In imaginative POV style, they’re seeing themselves as MFB, strutting confidently into Orange Julius, cock flopping, magnetically attracting the gazes of middle-aged women or young 20s customer service workers who can’t help but get in the mood.
A lot of fellas out there have aged beyond their physical prime. Some who look their best currently never drew interested looks from female strangers. Some simply don’t possess the penises capable of attracting attention. Mr. Freeballin’ is living in his big bulge heyday, and many of his fans are past those days or far from ever seeing them. MFB isn’t merely feeding his own ego. In guerilla fashion he’s online offering the less capable their chance to almost feel what it’s like to be gawked at. As taken back ladies peer down at MFB’s triumphant pecker, it’s as though they’re sneaking a peak at everybody’s peckers, collectively.
Not everybody has the cock to make a Sephora employee salivate, nor the confidence to let that thing swing in Macy’s. Some of us may never know the stimulation of a 48-year old Barnes And Noble sales associate struggling to reorganize YA novels as she leers at your hog, fighting the urge to tug it without permission. Mr. Freeballin’ provides viewers an opportunity to live as though that’s their reality. For just a brief moment, it’s like women in an unidentified food court are forced to drop their paninis and augle my penis.
As for the true nature of this man’s free balling excursions, it’s difficult to gauge authenticity or tell what’s even going on, for that matter. Is Mr. Free Ballin’ 7 feet tall? Where’s he holding his camera? What’s he even using as a camera? Women’s glances are caught on tape, though it’s impossible to say what exactly they’re looking at. In some slow motion shots, ladies are seen staring attentively downward to the left or right, but one can’t be sure it is in fact MFB’s rod that’s garnering the looks. He could be wearing a pair of clown shoes, or walking an alligator on a leash. For the sake of whatever form of enjoyment viewers find in these videos, it’s clear they’re suspending some disbelief and choosing to firmly believe that this lot of ladies is looking at dick. The angles are strange. The edits are questionable. Regardless, people love MFB, his penis, and the women passing by who want a piece of it.
Though he’s a legend to some, there’s no denying Mr. Freeballin’ is a weird pervert. We can romanticize his content all we want, but let’s chisel away at all the glamour and reach the core. The simple fact is, MFB strategically puts on loose shorts without underwear to walk around malls hoping women will look at his penis. That’s a bit deviant as is, but he chooses to film these women getting their stares in. Making this the entirety of your content game is certainly a bizarre use of time. His viewers aren’t complaining. There’s an obvious market for the videos. Intent aside; viewer enjoyment aside, it’s an odd hobby made odder by it being recorded and monetized.
Am I casting judgement because I lack the confidence necessary to carry myself the way Mr. Freeballin’ does? It’s possible. This might be a fetish-turned-lifestyle I plainly can’t relate to. One thing is for certain, however — Mr. Freeballin’ is a longdick madman who has tapped into a fascinatingly strange style of content that can at the very least be uncomfortably laughed at. He’s not alone. There are other freeballers out there, perusing Ross Dress For Less stores with their wangs busting out of sweatpants, filming women’s reactions. I can’t say whether MFB pioneered the movement, but he’s the king. An indisputed legend in one of YouTube’s puzzling little niches, of which there are thousands. Without YouTube’s dark process of recommending videos, it’s likely us well-adjusted “plain” folks would never receive a look into these worlds. Will the freeballing community grow, or has it already hit peak? Time will tell.